“What are you thinking about?” Chase said in a soft voice, twirling one of his fingers around a lock of Polly’s flame red hair. They were both half sitting, half lying on the couch, watching the crackling logs in the fireplace as Jack dozed at their feet. They were sprawled against one another, but in a companionable way, with Chase’s arm looping loosely around Polly’s collarbone, her back to his front.
And in a way that Polly didn’t have to meet those hazel eyes that seemed to bore into her soul whenever he looked at her with equal parts companionship, interest and lust.
Polly shifted against him slightly, her back better aligning with his chest. “Actually, I was wondering why you call me ‘kitten’. Or, come to think of it, why you always called me kitten, even when we were kids. You don’t even like cats. Or are you cheating on the wooddog with a nice tabby somewhere?”
Chase chuckled softly, and she felt the vibrations of his chest through her back. “I’m not entirely sure why it started. I guess because you were always so warm and soft, and gentle, and quiet. Like a sweet little kitten.”
“Really?” Polly whispered.
“Mm hm,” Chase agreed. “Of course, now that you’re all grown up and are a badass power attorney, California girl, I guess I’ll have to change it.”
“Into what?”
“I’m not sure. Puma, maybe?”
Polly laughed. “Puma? Seriously?”
“Hey, pumas are cool,” Chase said. “Sleek and smart and strong, keeping to the shadows and luring you in, then, whammo… you’re done for…”
“You think I’m smart?”
“I think you’re all those things. Except that…”
“What?”
“Pumas are solitary creatures, and not matter what kind of face you put on it, I don’t think you are a solitary creature. I think you need personal connections with people. Even up here… you didn’t want to come, right? But even so, you are already bonding with Mae, have taken over my dog as his new mistress, have met some folks and given them legal advice… you put on a front that you want to be solitary, but I think you need people more than you think. And I think you have been starved for affection for a long time, and that that is a crying shame. You may be a puma in your career, but I still think you’re a kitten to me. And kitten, you are perfect, and don’t let anyone convince you that you are less than you are, or that you don’t deserve every single good thing in this world.”
Polly swallowed several times, trying to loosen the lump in her throat as Chase perfectly summarized her life for the last decade and a half. She had even moved to California to be around people, but the people she interacted with were wooden, emotionless, or always searching the room to see if there was someone better, more powerful to talk to. She had a couple of people she considered friends, but none that she would spill her heart to about her marriage, and within days of meeting Mae, she had done just that.
And Chase… the vortex of need she felt to be close to him wasn’t purely about attraction or remembrance, but about a need to be desired, appreciated, loved for just who she was, not who she pretended to be…
“Hey…” Chase whispered, pulling her close and trying to turn her to face him. “Are you okay? Did I say something to upset you?”
Polly shook her head silently, fighting for control, even as a tear slid down her cheek. “You have to stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Saying things like that.”
“Like what?”
“All the sexy, stomach twisting things you just said. Stop it,” Polly whispered with absolutely no conviction in her voice.
“Oh honey…” Chase said. “You should have someone in your life saying how amazing you are every single day, and to settle for anything else, well, it’s criminal.”
“See?!” Polly blurted. “Stop it!”
“Why?”
“Because…” Polly said, taking a deep breath. “You say things like that, and it makes me fall even harder for you, and it’s not fair.”
“You’re falling for me?”
Polly sighed. “I…” She paused, and then tried again. “Who wouldn’t? Nuns probably have calendars of you taped to their abbey walls.”
Chase opened his mouth to speak, but wisely chose to wait, letting Polly finish.
“Of course I like you. I’ve always liked you, even when I was gawky and nerdtastic and trailing after you and Parker all the time. But now…”
“Now you’re married,” Chase finished for her quietly.
She nodded silently. “I loved my husband once. I really did. And I don’t know if I still do or not – right now, probably not – but he’s still my husband, and I owe it to him, and to myself, to find out how this marriage between us is going to end. I… I can’t…” her voice cracked. “Believe me, I want nothing more than to ‘jump your bod’ or whatever it was you said earlier, and forget about him, and lose myself in you, but it wouldn’t be fair to him, to myself, or to you. You deserve more than to be used for revenge or as a balm to my damaged soul, and I can’t do that to you. Or myself.”
Polly buried her face in her hands, unable to look at him. “And I’m sorry if I’ve flirted with you and led you on.”
Chase tugged her hands away gently. “My flirting was rusty. You were giving me the chance to brush up on it.”
Polly laughed weakly as Chase brushed a tear from her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Keep practicing.”
Chase laughed, and then waited as Polly took a deep breath and let it out. “I can’t stoop to his level. I just can’t,” she whispered.
“I know,” Chase said simply. “And believe it or not, I like you even better for it. You take your vows seriously, and I can respect that. And believe me, there’s nothing more I’d like to do right now than grab the squeezy cheese and carry you to bed, but…”
Polly lifted her chin a fraction of an inch. “You want me?”
“Since the moment I saw you again,” Chase said honestly. “And every moment since.”
Polly felt her stomach turn over, even as their eyes met in the firelight. “And before?”
Chase cocked his head to one side. “Before? Before when?”
“In school? Well, after school for you. At graduation? Was it because I was Polly, or because I was available at that moment?”
“Kitten, what are you talking about?”
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