“You know I’m unhappy,” Polly said softly, gazing across the dining room table at her husband. “You know things have been rough between us for a while. I don’t think you’re happy either.”
Matthew cocked his head to one side. “We’ve had our rough patches, yes, but I thought we were on our way to fixing things. Between therapy and my putting a stop to some of my… depraved actions, I thought we were fixing things.”
Polly looked at her husband for a long moment, remembering that she was the one who initiated this conversation, she was the one who put on her ‘brave girl pants’ and told Matthew ‘we need to talk’ – but now she wasn’t sure what to say.
“We were… we are, I suppose, but…” Polly looked imploringly at Matthew. “Do you still love me?”
“What?”
“Do you still love me? Do you ache for me? Do you still even want me?” Polly asked in a rush. “Or are the escorts and the money a way for you to be satisfied because you aren’t satisfied with me?”
“Polly, that’s ridiculous. Of course I want you,” Matthew said soothingly. “You’re my wife.”
“Your wife?” Polly asked. “Or your trophy?”
Matthew looked at her, disappointed, but said nothing.
“As trophies go,” she continued, “I’ve been on the shelf for a little while now, getting a little tarnished. It must be time to start looking for something… shinier. Don’t you think?”
“Polly… what do you want me to say?” Matthew asked, his tone even and patient.
“Do you love me?”
Matthew hesitated a moment too long. “Of course. Of course I do, Polly.”
“Do you want to fix this? What’s between us? Or do you just not want to have to break in a new wife?” Polly asked, her tone tougher than she expected.
“I love you,” Matthew said evenly. “Of course. I want you to stay, I want to work this out. What we have Polly – our lives are entwined. Our work, our home, the life we share – don’t these things matter to you? They matter to me. You matter to me. I don’t want you to go.”
But you don’t ache for me, Polly thought. Not the way Chase says he does… and not the way I do for him.
And for one evil moment, Polly wondered if Matthew wanted her to stay with him because when they had married, they hadn’t had much to their name – and thus had no prenuptial agreement.
She didn’t want to believe that of Matthew, but maybe to him, keeping her at home and occupied of the world would be easier than breaking in a new wife, as she had inferred.
But she really didn’t want to believe that of him. Not of the man she had fallen in love with, who was impulsive and funny and dashing and sexy.
And now?
She supposed he was still all those things – just not with her.
She missed the man she had fallen in love with, but he wasn’t here anymore.
Polly stood up and brushed an invisible speck of dirt from her skirt. “I’m going to go stay in a hotel for a night or two, just until I decide what’s final.”
“What are the choices?” Matthew asked.
“In a few days, we’ll either be married,” Polly said, turning on her heel and beginning to walk out of the room. “Or we won’t,” she added over her shoulder, picking up her previously packed overnight case and laptop case already waiting by the front door and strode out towards her car.
**
Polly had to admit, looking around the spacious room, LA definitely did hotel rooms right.
She decided that if the fate of her marriage, her career and her life hung the balance, the only place to figure it out once and for all would be the Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills.
If she and Matthew did end up divorcing, she’d be sure to have him pick up the tab as part of their divorce settlement.
She unpacked her overnight case, booted up her laptop, and then spent some time simply gazing out the window at the world bustling buy, lost in thought.
Would she, could she, really leave California behind if she chose Chase? He would never be happy out here, but could she truly be happy back home in the Keweenaw?
Spotty cell phone reception, a definite lack of trendy shopping, and a need to chop firewood for at least half the year was awaiting her there if she did decide to go home.
But then again, so was the pristine Lake Superior, the sound of silence, local hospitality and natural beauty unparalleled by anything California could offer. And she would certainly be able to afford to live anywhere she liked, or to build something to suit, if she so chose.
And what about her career?
True, she had made a boatload of money in LA working on corporate litigation, but was it still fulfilling? Was it still satisfying? Was she helping anyone but the fat cats trying to save a million or two by being shady?
If she were in the Keweenaw, she could actually help people – and she would know her clients, instead of their corporate façades. She enjoyed the variety of work that a small town lawyer typically tackled, and she doubted she would be bored – or she could even join a practice in Houghton, or perhaps teach pre-law at Finlandia University or MTU.
And what about Matthew?
They really had been in love once, and she still thought he was one of the most brilliant and accomplished men she knew – but she also knew, though she hated to admit it even to herself, that they had fallen out of love long ago. The escorts, the cheating, hiding the money – it was just the excuse she needed to move on and obviously his way of acting out against their staid marriage.
And then there was Chase – Chase, her longtime crush, the man who knew who she had been and who she had become, and loved them both. The man who made her laugh, made her cry good tears, and who made her yearn to spend weeks in bed with.
Even before she checked into the hotel, she had a feeling she knew her decision, because she knew who had her heart: Chase.
And now she was sure – she was going home to the man she loved.
Her real home.
Smiling at the thought of seeing Chase and Jack again, she crossed the room to grab the room service menu to order a celebratory cocktail, but stopped in her tracks when she heard a familiar sound.
She slipped over to the door and listened, and then was convinced – she’d know that laugh anywhere.
She peeked through the peephole and gasped aloud though she already knew the answer, glad she had already made her decision.
Because that laugh was Matthew’s, as he slipped through the door across the hall with what appeared to be a very high priced call girl.
She knew it. She just knew he hadn’t changed.
And now, she knew she was never going to feel guilty again about her feelings for Chase, because Matthew North had obviously made her decision long before she had.
With a deep, cleansing breath, she smiled, and then dialed her cell phone for Delta airlines.
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